The printer had jammed again. Seriously, this mammoth of a machine has the most difficult time just feeding itself paper. I stare at it, thinking that it’s lucky it isn’t actually alive otherwise it would starve itself from incompetence. I start pushing the touch screen to move it on to its next bright idea, another useless solution for me to attempt to unjam it.
Since it is the third time in the last hour this particular machine had jammed I automatically work my way through the list and pull drawers that it says are blocked but they really aren’t and shake the ink cartridge because it thinks this brand new one is empty. Through some wondrous stroke of luck it just starts printing. I glare at it as the image floods my brain of this cartoonish machine as it giggles like a dumbass and says “Oh! I totally forgot what I was doing! I’m sooo A.D.D. sometimes. How many more do I have to print for you?” It’s fictional smile sends a wave of heat through my face as I control every urge to kick it multiple times.
“Hey! You got it to work! I should just call you over whenever things break instead of IT.” Reality punched me in the gut and his voice nearly made me jump, and I seriously worried that my fictional dialog wasn’t showing on my not-so-secretive face. “Heh…” I cough out, “Just going through the list of things it thinks are wrong.” I think I smiled… Honestly, I’m not sure. I may have looked away too…
Out of the corner of my eye I see my co-worker walk away to another co-worker, “Alexis is some kind of master at everything.” I look up and literally pout! Seriously, no joke! My lip stuck out like an offering to a bird for a perch! He looked horror-struck. “Aw! Don’t give me THAT look. I meant it as a compliment.” He offered me a genuine smile and not only did I feel completely stupid for my reaction, but I felt that I needed to explain myself. “I… It’s just… I’m not a master at EVERYTHING.” I attempted and noticed that my voice sounded oddly strange and not at all like myself. The comment hadn’t offended me in the slightest, but what it had done was make me feel like an ass. Some know-it-all. I have no idea why, nor do I believe he understood it either, but at that moment I let out one hell of an awkward half laugh and fled the village. I ran. Well, not literally, but I did walk away rather briskly.
As I sat back at my desk, completely horrified by my actions I played the scene over and over in my head. Witty quips that I should have said but instead I metaphorically tripped over my own tongue and crashed onto my face. What on earth is wrong with me?! I forgot my copies at the printer.